Month: August 2015

Death Watch

Aside | | robin

As our family gathers around Mom waiting to see if her next breath will be her last –

I keep expecting her to sit up and make a quip about what we’re all doing here.

As we ate  dinner last night, we laughed and laughed – I thought about how

she would have been right in the middle of the fun laughing uproariously with

the rest of us. Oh, did my Mom know how to have fun!

And, now as we wait and watch and tell her how much we love her, moisten her lips, and visit and talk – I wonder how much she’s aware of, how much she can

hear, what she can sense about what’s going on, but most of all I hope she somehow

can feel the love in the room – the love for her that binds us.

Remembering Mom

Aside | | robin

We can cry because she’s gone, or

We can rejoice because she spent time with us.

We can feel sad that she left us, or

We can be glad that she left us with so much.

We can look back with longing, or

We can look ahead with strength she gave us.

We can fear tomorrow without her, or

we can embrace tomorrow with courage she embodied.

Mom – I’ll forever be grateful for time we shared,

courage you modeled, wisdom you exemplified,

the humorous way you saw the world, and your unconditional love.

So, we will go on as you would wish us to: loving, forgiving,

smiling, and living life to its fullest.

The Unknown

Aside | | robin

All of life is an unknown, but

sometimes we fool ourselves and

feel we’re in control.

Now, as I face the fact that my Mom

is dying, I’m reminded that we are

never in control, only doing our best

to make things work and maintain

some semblance of control.

As today dawns –

skies are overcast and gray, rain is falling –

reflecting my frame of mind.

Such great sorrow and sadness fill my heart –

not for my Mom – I know she’s ready to die,

but for me. She’s forever been my rock

giving me unconditional love and acceptance.

As I begin to cope, chaos fills my soul and I realize

I’m not in charge – I must wait for the

One who is in control to make the next move.

Please bestow peace and acceptance in me

as I move through another challenging time

in my life. I know I am strong, but human

strength has its limits. Why do I always feel the

need to be strong?

Autumnal Equinox Paradox

Aside | | robin

IMG_1988 IMG_2016 IMG_2022

Leaves reveal true colorations and

a cerulean sky is more beautiful than

words can describe. There is a crispness

to air I breathe causing me to inhale

deeply;  humidity takes a break leaving

an atmosphere no longer steamy and

sweltering. No wonder I await this

time of year with joyous anticipation.

Yet it is not without shortcomings.

Nuts underfoot remind us how fast we

can be on the ground – ball bearings for our feet.

The sun shines at sharper angles – blindingly

bright both morning and evening.

Hours of daylight decrease –

leaving  me desiring more sunlight – and

mourning added hours of darkness.

Darkness that can consume me with longing for

daylight and the joy it contains. Darkness born of fewer

available hours of sunlight as we move from

Autumnal Equinox toward  Winter Solstice.

It’s this paradox which leaves me feeling torn

between my longing for fall and its distinctive dance toward

winter; and the Winter Solstice and its trudge toward the

Vernal Equinox and lusciously lavish new life of spring.

Pain Stopped Me in My Tracks

Aside | | robin

Yesterday, pain stopped me in my tracks.

What began as a mild, but bearable pain

built into throbbing unbearable agony.

The muscle that runs from my head

down through my neck and into my shoulder

pulsed with pain that wouldn’t allow me

to lift or turn my head, or to sit up when

I was lying down. I was miserable when awake,

but couldn’t sleep. The pain stabbed like

a hot poker. I couldn’t drive, nor hardly ride

in a car. What was this monster that entered my

body? A beast that burned its way from my head

down to my shoulder. When a body that lives with

chronic pain – sobs at a new attacker, you know it’s a brute.

Heat helped, but only when I could find a way to remain static –

any movement brought renewed tears. The doctor says I have

somehow damaged the muscle that runs from my head to my

shoulder and it must calm down! I must give it time to heal.

So, he prescribed magic medicine to tame the brutal beast.

I certainly want it, at the very least, to calm down. I really want

to forget that this pain ever existed. With any luck, I shall.

Living in a Dream World

| robin

Living in a dream world all my own.

Thoughts simmering in my mind –

rarely hesitating, sometimes hurrying,

other times rambling, but always seeking

my fantasy world – I can do what I want,

say what I want, love who I want.

There is no pain, no drama, I’m alone when I wish,

have companionship when I want, laughter when

I need it, tears when my soul needs cleansing, I’m

loved beyond measure, and peace fills my heart and soul.

Beauty surrounds me: flowing rivers, elegant trees,

many hued flowers, colors of the rainbow, satisfying smells,

fabulous art, soft skin, great books, good conversation,

time to write, and fantastic food to eat. I sleep when I want,

wake when I wish, and suit myself most all the time.

Power of Music

| robin

🎶 Music – one of the most powerful forces in the world.

Its beauty floods my soul with joy, but  –

can move me to tears with incredible power –

It forces me to look at the world from other points of view, and  –

tells stories of life and heartbreak – touching the deepest parts of me –

Its power and allure give me goosebumps, and sometimes  –

It demands that I move; I just can’t stay still –

waltzing, sliding, and whirling its way into my body and soul –

rocking me to my very core – I adore the spell it casts over me –

Music, one of the most powerful forces in the world. 🎶

Morning Light

| robin

Morning light holds all the promise of a new day –

delicate sunlight filtering through lush green trees;

a kaleidoscope of potential yet unrealized – soft gentle

time of day filled with infinite possibilities – my favorite time of day…

I love to observe gently shifting patterns of sunlight –

and think about endless opportunities – until

it finally reaches its apex and once again I have to admit –

the only place I get everything done is in the deepest recesses of my mind.

We Are…

| robin

We are made to touch one another

and to love one another

We are made to appreciate beauty

and to be in awe of nature

We are made to dance in the rain

and run through the forest

We are made to wade in creeks

and swim in currents

We are made to smell sweet smells

and to absorb goodness in the world

We are made to eat satisfying food

and to nourish our body and soul

We are made to love animals

and to care for them

We are made to read great books

and to lose ourselves in them

We are made to appreciate color

and reflect back beauty

We are made to feel emotions

revel in yours – they mean you’re alive

We are here to bare our souls and

to embrace as many feelings as possible

We are made to touch one another

and to love one another

Yes, this is life – live and love now – you may not have tomorrow.